paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
