he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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