I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
