Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
