It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
