I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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