Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
