I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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