I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
