I don't usually arrange sex via text message
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
one two three fourrrrnication!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
40s are totally the cure
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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