I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's just like the Real World with babies
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
