Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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