Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I cockslap morals
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
