The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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