i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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