i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
