i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
