We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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