Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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