i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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