I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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