I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize