i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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