swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
did i just pee glitter
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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