Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
