he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
