i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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