i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize