he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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