If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
