I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
dude. I can hear the air.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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