My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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