i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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