you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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