she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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