Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
