i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just want to make out with him forever
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
