i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
