Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
