Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
