Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
