38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this will be a night to untag.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
