I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
