i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
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her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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