first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
