if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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