Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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