Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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