i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
and she was petting her beer can
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
