Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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