when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.