i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.