my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?