so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.