you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
