Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
